“For the love of God, tell people on your site not to go see this movie. If it spares one person from the piece of shit that movie is, then it is worth it. I have done my good deed to humanity. It is awful. You should not see it. You should not rent it. You should not buy it on DVD. AVOID IT. In fact, they ought to put that quote on the DVD box and send me a check for informing the public of that MOVIE CRIME.”
Want to know how it ends? Behind the cut.
I already knew the ending of Orphan thanks to Gawker; I even tried to warn Younger Sister about the ending. It was no use. She ponied up the cash to see it with her friend Rachel and came home cursing about it every inch of the way. “She’s not even a kid! She’s a freakin’ MIDGET PROSTITUTE!”
That’s right. “Something’s wrong with Esther,” alright, in the sense of she’s a thirty-something dwarf who kills families to seduce the dad. And Younger Sister implores you not to go see this, so I consider my duty done to you by passing this on.