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Posts Tagged ‘Midnight Skater’

In junior high school, I used to be forced into going to this ridiculous mandatory sex-ed assemblies, which were light on the education and heavy on the “sex kills”, if you know what I mean.   I used to have to hear all kinds of horror stories about the inherent dangers of sex and gruesome photos of girls and boys who did it once – JUST ONCE – and got some mutated form of the Ebola virus or something and DIED.   THEY DIED, GUYS.

Anyways, one of my favorite parts of these assemblies was hearing about HORRIBLE, AWFUL syphilis, which as we all know, makes you go blind and crazy.   Being a syphlitic is not fun if you’re in the tertiary stages, what with the craziness and what what.

This is salient (I promise) because if a modern day syphilitic made a movie, it would be Midnight Skater.  I would imagine that if someone had their brain slowly being eaten by spirochetes, Midnight Skater would be the end result.   This is what they should show in sex-ed assemblies to teenagers to say “DON’T HAVE THE PREMARITAL SEX.   FOR REAL.”

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Midnight Skater is hard to summarize, mainly because the movie itself runs in about eighty different directions.   There’s zombies and a serial killer on the loose at a college campus and a graffiti artist on the loose.   (Guess which issue the residents of the college campus are most worried about?   If you guessed “graffiti artist”, you win a cookie.)

And therein lies the main problem with the movie; it runs too wild over too many topics.   This is a movie made by film geeks run amok, guys who watched too many Troma movies late at night while nibbling on their fingernails and dreaming of their own sick, twisted visions.    And, hey, that’s cool – but if you’re going to Tromatize your movie, at least do it right.

For starters, use something else than Mommy’s video camera.

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Guess what?

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