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Posts Tagged ‘Bloodsport’

Kumite, kumite, kumite!

Whaaa? Have I lost you already?!

Bloodsport tells the real life, OMG it’s so totally true story of Frank Dux, the first Westerner to win something called the Kumite, an underground, oh-so illegal martial arts match that’s held in Hong Kong.

This also the movie that made Jean-Claude Van Damme…a STAR!

Bloodsport captivated me. I don’t know how, I don’t know why. I’ve seen beach balls with better acting skills than Van Damme; seriously, his ideas of “emotion” are not my ideas of emotion, that’s for sure. But then again, this is one of those movies where the priorities for the movie looked like this:

  1. Asskicking;
  2. Suh-weet set;
  3. Get some other dudes who can ass-kick besides Van Damme;
  4. Have some totally rad ’80’s music (kumite! kumite! kumite!);

…..

1,001: Have some touching scenes and teach Van Damme how to act.

So, you can see what the movie focuses on right there. I’m not going to analyze the plot — because the plot doesn’t freaking matter — I’m going to focus on the martial arts. Bloodsport has been praised for portraying mixed martial arts years before it hit the “mainstream”, so take that for what it’s worth. And the fight scenes are kinda cool, despite some miscues from the stunt coordinators and directors (there’s a couple shots where it’s blatantly obvious that a hit was pretty fake, but you know.   You get what you pay for, really.

It also has this utterly atrocious soundtrack, where the main theme song has a refrain where some intense sounding dudes chant “Kumite!  Kumite!  Kumite!” repeatedly. I’ve had it stuck in my head for three days now.  Ick.   Eww.   Badness.

Add in the fact that JCVD has some of the worst “WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” martial arts faces ever, and you’ve got yourself a pretty freakin’ awesome Friday night martial arts movies.   Ladies and gents, I present Exhibit A to you:

HOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!   (In French)

Seriously, I’m strongly considering buying this movie.

What in the goodness have you done to me, Jean-Claude, you bizarro Belgian, you?   It was the kumite song, wasn’t it?

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