Posts Tagged ‘Alien vs. Predator: Requiem’

In between Reader’s Choice movies, I popped in Alien vs. Predator:  Requiem. Honestly, I don’t have anything witty to say about it.

Half the movie is so dark, you can’t even tell what’s going on (no, really).

The other half?

I felt like I would’ve had time better spent (and felt much more rewarded) if the moviemakers had shot it this way:  load every character onto an airplane, and then have someone shoot missiles into the engines.  Then watch the aircraft quickly nose-dive into the Earth, and everyone wins.   People die, and it’s over with quickly.

The movers and shakers who got this movie made should be embarrassed.    You can’t even discern half the time who lives and who dies because the lighting scheme seems to be done by someone holding up a cigarette lighter that’s dangerously low on fluid behind the camera.   The story sucks, the characters are about as deep as birdbaths and the kill scenes (what everyone’s watching it for in the first place) are either CGI-ed to the extreme, thus rendering them into completely stupid deaths, or so dark you can’t tell what the hell just happened.

I wonder how anyone could’ve looked at this final cut and thought, “Wow, we did a really great job!  Four gold stars and a cookie, everyone!”  It’s not even good-bad.   It’s just bad.   Terrifically, shamefully awful.   Awful enough that I wonder even if this one was made solely for money making purposes (which I’m sure it was), was it even financially worth it to make this piece of crap?   Or worth it to be “one of those dudes who helped make AvP2” for the rest of your life?

This movie should be shot out of a cannon into the sun.

I have no idea what possessed me to even watch this.   I hated the first AvP.  Why I thought this one would be any better, I have no idea.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to start living in an alternate universe where this movie does not exist…right about…now.

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