I’m telling y’all what I told my mom about Top Gun: it gets better the more you realize that the movie’s just a simmering cauldron of gayness.
(Brings ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ home, I think.)
I refuse to provide a synopsis for Top Gun, mainly because unless you’ve been living under the heaviest rock in existence you’re at least somewhat aware of the plot.
Let’s face it: Top Gun‘s strong suit is not really the plot; hell, it’s not even Tom Cruise. This may have been the cinematic moment Tom Cruise tipped from being Tom Cruise, actor into Tom Cruise, celebrity who buys into his own special brand of bullshit. Indeed, Cruise has some gigantic, awful moments in the movie – they involve fist-pumps, hugs and displays of bravado – and even after Maverick reaches his moment of fighter pilot enlightenment, it’s hard not to view the character as an emotionally stunted frat boy allowed to play with multi-million dollar pieces of equipment.
No, the real joy of Top Gun is two fold: realizing Tom Cruise may be the only guy not in on the gag, and realizing every other actor realizes how totally fucking gay this movie is.
I mean that in the best possible way: I wish they’d make an actual movie about gay fighter pilots. Sadly, Top Gun is about as close as it gets but God bless Val Kilmer for playing it the way he saw it. (I vaguely remember someone asking Val Kilmer if Kiss Kiss Bang Bang’s Perry was the first gay character he’d ever played when he was doing press; Kilmer answered along the lines of, “You mean besides Iceman?”) The movie’s rife with moments of shirtless guys in locker rooms and stares between Iceman and Maverick that really… kind of make you wonder. Let’s also not forget the hilarious, wonderful insanity that is the Top Gun beach volleyball scene. It’s all oiled guys with flexing pectoral muscles grabbing each other’s asses and chest-bumping and shit.
Tom Cruise believes this is totally macho, y’all!
It is Kilmer who really shines in this movie. He steals scenes from Cruise right and left, frosted hair be damned. He is endlessly entertaining, probably because Val Kilmer didn’t give a shit. This is why I will always love, love, love Val Kilmer, no matter how bloaty he gets, no matter how far out there he goes, no matter how many trees he starts hugging; you have to appreciate the fact that even when the man doesn’t give a shit, he still rocks.
Plus, Top Gun has Michael Ironside. Nothing that has Michael Ironside in it can be said to be totally irreedemable.
The movie is an essential piece of 80s cheese. The love story will make you laugh (oh, dear, Kelly McGillis) and Tom Cruise will make you cry (from laughing). For heaven’s sake, if you haven’t seen it, what the hell is your problem?
1416 and Counting 
Your “Gay Gay Gay” tag made me think to post this link.
http://he-shot-cyrus.blogspot.com/2010/02/guys-id-go-gay-for-volume-two.html
And since you inspired the Guys I’d Go Gay For series, I thought I’d thank you!
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Uh how could this movie be gay, there is a sexy lady with big hair right there on the poster hello. (I wish the sarcastic tone of my voice could be communicated somehow…)
I still haven’t seen this movie actually (I have this thing where I’ve always avoided most Tom Cruise movies, and to this day have only seen two), but it does sound fun. And I’m usually up for some Val Kilmer zaniness, so I guess I should finally get to it!
Excellent post as always!
And since you inspired the Guys I’d Go Gay For series, I thought I’d thank you!
Perhaps I should do a Girls I’d Go Gay For series in honor of you?
:P
Good to see you! Hey, I got that screener and I’m sitting down to watch it this weekend – I’m looking forward to it!
Hope all’s good with you and Whit.
I still haven’t seen this movie actually (I have this thing where I’ve always avoided most Tom Cruise movies, and to this day have only seen two), but it does sound fun.
I too avoid Cruise movies like the plague, but I saw this when I was a kid. Kilmer really is, I think, the best thing about the whole movie – which is funny since he was forced to be in Top Gun.
It basically is great for laughing at Tom Cruise; you can tell he’s really serious about it. And Anthony Edwards provides some nice comic relief.
Honestly I did not get the gay subtext. I feel like an ass. IN MY DEFENSE the last (and only) time I saw this was in the late nineties. I think I was 8.
[…] Top Gun’s so Gay! Hurray! – Caitlin points out just a few of the reasons Top Gun holds up…even if it is soooo boring. […]
i’ve always thought of top gun as a kind of ballet — with fighter jets. tony scott could sure choreographe some great dance scenes.
Again, I must agree with you on Val Kilmer’s talent. He is the most interesting character in this one and even though I had never really thought about Top Gun being gay, now that you mention it, wow. I still think it was a good movie, mostly for its cheesy entertainment value. It’s quotable and it is a movie that I pretty much grew up with so I guess I have a hard time looking at it objectively.
I’m not interested in Tom Cruise, whether gay or not, in ‘Top Gun’, not even in Kelly McGillis, whatever her preferences may be – at least to me she seems to be a refreshingly natural beauty, unlike some.. – but I watched just because of the aircraft.
Though basically I’m not interested in ‘war machines’, I think the F14 is the most beautiful, versatile and fascinating flying machine ever built..
And as to female beauty on the screen, to me there is only one that outshines them all.. – Isabelle Adjani