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Archive for October 31st, 2009

Ah, it’s a fish…monster….thing!

the host 2

 

Here’s my issue with The Host: what I saw, I really liked and what I heard, I did not.    The Host is pretty much about a gigantic fish-monster … thing spawned by scientists dumping toxic chemicals into a river that makes with the roaring and the rampaging one fine day.   The survivors start coming down with a virus (or do they?) as one family struggles to find a member that they thought was dead – but really isn’t.

Since I was knocking together bookcases, I put The Host on the dubbed version since I was trying to multi-task.   It’s really never a good sign when one of the voice actors does an impression of Officer Barbrady from South Park for a cop voice.    I think that I missed out on a lot by not reading the subtitles and listening to the normal voices, but what I saw I liked.   It’s fun and a little frenzied, if at times sorta forced.

Although…fish monster?   Really?

thedescentposter

A bunch of women go spelunking only to discover uncharted horrors!

So, things I have learned from The Descent:

  • Don’t ever go spelunking in caves;
  • If you do, bring extra knives, maybe a gun;
  • If you spot some creepy, blind cave dwellers – run, don’t ask them for directions;
  • DO NOT GO SPELUNKING WITH ANYONE NAMED JUNO;
  • The Descent 2 shouldn’t even be in existence if we’re going with the “real” ending here;
  • Be prepared if you are in a group stranded in an extreme situation that strikes you as the kind of place Bear Grylls would explore on camera for one or more of your friends to go batshit insane.

I think the worst part of The Descent isn’t the creepy crawlers; the film would’ve worked properly and efficiently if they hadn’t been included, with all respect.   The extreme sense of claustrophobia and of being hopelessly lost is frightening enough.   The breakdown between the members of the group and how they react to such a situation is even more frightening.   The crawlers, actually, are just the icing on the cake, so to speak.

 

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It’s that classic tale of boy meets girl, unless you count the girl being a crack science reporter and the boy being a semi-mad genius obsessed with teleportation.

Seth Brundle is a researcher working on how to make teleportation work.   Veronica Quaife scents a story in Seth Brundle; she follows him back to his lab and he shows her these nifty two telepods he’s been working on.  After some arguing, the two agree that Veronica can hang around and cover one of the greatest scientific achievements ever.   It soon becomes more than that, though, and Seth and Veronica’s communication problems soon cause Seth to get drunk and make a very, very bad decision.

fly

I’d say that accidentally teleporting yourself with a common housefly is a very large problem, especially when you combine with the fly at a molecular level with a human to create Brundlefly.   Ick.

David Cronenberg remade the fly from a hokey ’50’s sci-fi flick (come on, the scientist’s head was practically pasted onto a fly’s body) into a much more modern retelling of the horrors that can be achieved through science and arguably what it means to be human.    While it’s gory, sure, Cronenberg never uses violence for violence’s sake (Rob Zombie, we’ll get to you later); instead, he uses it when necessary.   … And let’s face it, Goldblum’s transformation into the fully realized Brundlefly, with his half-fly, half-human body and all the changes he has to make to get there, is going to be gory no matter what

Creepiest moment: Has got to be, hands down, Brundle’s collection of body parts that have fallen off which he stores in his medicine cabinet.   Yuck.  Either that or Goldblum’s semi-deranged rant about taking a dip in the plasma pool.

Scariest moment: I can never, ever, ever hear about someone having a baby without picturing Geena Davis giving birth to a glo-worm.

glowormImagine that thing, sans the cutesy face and nightcap.   OH, THE HORROR OF IT ALL.

I love The Fly.  It’s got a lot of moments of genuine horror and suspense, as well as one of the weirdest performances Goldblum has done.      It’s definitely not one of the weirdest movies David Cronenberg has done (Oh!  David, let’s be BFF just for The Brood!) but I think, one of the best.   It’s a good fright flick that’s watchable just for the scares or if you want, for the ethical and moral questions it raises.

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