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Archive for April 7th, 2009

It’s Fulci time!   Yay!   Fake blood and entrails for everybody!

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If you don’t know who Lucio Fulci is, well, let me make the appropriate introductions.    Mainly known as a horror director, Fulci was an Italian guy who made movies with explicit gore and really bad dubs.    My first Fulci movie was picked up at an old, run-down video store in the town I was attending college.   (Trust me when I say there wasn’t much else to do in town other than sit around and watch movies.)   I kind of miss that video store, since it was the only place for miles that had more than every movie in the Friday the 13th franchise.

If you want a perfect horror movie that makes absolute sense with all loose ends tied up and…sense made, then Fulci is not your dude.

However, if you do like spooky atmosphere and people meeting their maker in extreme, crazy ways…then, hey, I got the guy for ya.

The House By The Cemetery has a straightforward premise.   A family moves to rural New England so the dad, a professorial type, can get his research done in peace, quiet and near the subject of his work.   They get a nifty old house and everything seems to be going well.   That’s actually an overstatement, since Dad appears to be slightly divorced from family life with his head stuck in a book, Mom is popping pills to calm her “nervous” behavior and little boy Bob (who also has the worst dub-over in the world) is out psychically talking to mannequins who he picks up in the local park.   Just another day in paradise for an all-American family.

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Meet Bob’s new girlfriend who can turn into a little girl at her own fancy.  She tells Bob, “I told you not to come here!”   Bob protests that his parents made him.   While Bob’s parents are at the realtor’s office signing the paperwork, he sees her body lying in the park and goes to retrieve her.   Bob’s parents are allowed to make strange, wacky decisions, so they let Bob take her home with them to be his new girlfriend.   Bob’s been warning his family since they started packing up in New York City that this move is a bad idea, but no one seems to listen to him – except his mannequin girlfriend.   You may be unsurprised to learn she’s the one telling him the house isn’t safe.

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Time out:    Can you tell Bob’s dad is a researcher-professor type?    That turtleneck, that beard, that plaid sportcoat – they all add up to one thing:   Grown-up dork.

So the family moves into this quaint little house but it’s not long before weird stuff starts happening.   Before the movie starts, Fulci treats you to a scene of a girl and her guy who have broken into the house, getting stabbed in all sorts of really bad ways (is there any other way to get stabbed?) and dragged down to the basement by something with melty-like arms.

WARNING:   Blood and guts and nasty things behind the cut.   In case you care.

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