Ahhh, Yes.

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« #1524: Worst Movies Ever – Alone in the Dark

Ahhh, Yes.

March 12, 2009 by Caitlin

I felt mired in drudgery today after sitting through another – another! – Lindsay Lohan movie last night. I felt a trifle worried about finishing the worst movies ever. How would I finish? How many different ways can I say “this movie sucks” without becoming a repetitious bore? (Oops. Too late.)

And then I read John Scalzi’s column over at AMC on why video game movie adaptations by and large blow chunks and this buoys me a bit:

Up until recently the nation of Germany allowed for some nice tax benefits if its citizens invested in film production. This in turn benefited a German director named Uwe Boll, who went about snapping up the movie rights to a number of video game titles and cranking them out fast and cheap. This was a nice set-up for Boll, since he’s been able to make a nice living playing filmmaker. It wasn’t nice for us, because Uwe Boll makes movies like monkeys drive trucks.

The phrase “Uwe Boll makes movies like monkeys drive trucks” is enough to give me a little more vigor.

That, and Eli Roth introducing Torso at the New Beverly Cinema. Sure, Eli may not be my favorite actor but I like his movies. And his arms.

Hmm.

Posted in Movies In General | 18 Comments

18 Responses

on March 12, 2009 at 11:15 pm | Reply J.D.

Eli Roth is kinda hot, damn it.

But “Uwe Boll makes movies like monkeys drive trucks” is the greatest (and perhaps, most accurate) thing I’ve ever heard.
on March 12, 2009 at 11:50 pm | Reply Caitlin

Eli Roth is kinda hot, damn it.

Yeah, he keeps progressing farther up the hotness scale.

I think that’s the greatest statement I’ve heard all year, regarding the Uwe Boll thing.
on March 12, 2009 at 11:52 pm | Reply J.D.

Yeah, he keeps progressing farther up the hotness scale.

You should make a hotness post dedicated to him. I don’t care if he’s not old. DO IT CAITLIN.
on March 12, 2009 at 11:54 pm | Reply Caitlin

RIGHT NOW!?

Say, isn’t JA over at My New Plaid Pants an Eli Roth fan, too? There’s so much hate for him I mentally file away the folks that are alright with him..
on March 12, 2009 at 11:55 pm | Reply J.D.

SURE, RIGHT NOW! ;)

And yes he is. Hot guys involved with horror movies are his forte.
on March 13, 2009 at 12:00 am | Reply Caitlin

Hot guys involved with horror movies are his forte.

Suits me.

I’d also like to point out I have deployed my Google skills and there’s a serious lack of Eli arm pictures. Hmph.
on March 13, 2009 at 12:00 am | Reply J.D.

Fuck Google then. *pouts*
on March 13, 2009 at 12:01 am | Reply Caitlin

I have faith I can find some…. somewhere.
on March 13, 2009 at 12:04 am | Reply J.D.

Please do, girl. The fate of the world depends on it.

Obviously not really. I just like being apocalyptic after midnight.
on March 13, 2009 at 12:05 am | Reply Caitlin

AHH! Jackpot. I win at the Internet.
on March 13, 2009 at 12:07 am | Reply J.D.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love you.
on March 13, 2009 at 12:09 am | Reply Caitlin

Yes, I know, dearest. Gimme a few and the post’ll be up. Say, you don’t think Eli Roth minds me stealing pictures from his MySpace, hmm?
on March 13, 2009 at 12:10 am | Reply J.D.

When there are septuagenarian-obsessed 20somethings and precocious teenage boys drooling over him, I don’t think he has any right to mind.
on March 13, 2009 at 12:12 am | Reply Caitlin

I don’t think he has any right to mind.

Well, fuck him if he can’t take a joke. :D
on March 13, 2009 at 12:14 am | Reply J.D.

Can’t we just…um. Nevermind?
on March 13, 2009 at 12:33 am | Reply Caitlin

::clutches pearls::
on March 14, 2009 at 6:49 pm | Reply Scott

I realize that you tow have something pretty special going on here, this adorable little back and forth, and I’m afraid that my comment is going to…how do you say…fuck up the flow. But here it is anyway.

Uwe Boll makes movies like I give birth…not well. Not well at all.

Seriously though, that monkeys driving trucks line made me laugh out loud…thrice. The first time was when I thought about how awful Uwe Boll is. The second time was when I pictured monkeys driving trucks. The third was when I remembered that the movie “Every Which Way Was Loose” exists.

Thank you for brightening my day.
on March 15, 2009 at 10:46 pm | Reply Caitlin

Thank you for brightening my day.

I’m glad I could! I love that article so much that words can’t describe it… I just had to pass ita long to everyone else. :D