I have previously reviewed House of the Dead here but it was submitted for the Worst Movies Ever, so I rewatched it. Again. I think this is the third time around. It gets more abysmal every time I watch it.
I’d ruminate on what exactly is wrong with Uwe Boll but I find myself afraid to even contemplate it a bit. See, he can’t be making Michael-Bay-esque millions off these slightly above straight to DVD flicks. I don’t imagine Uwe Boll continues to churn out vomitous schlock merely so he can swim through mountains of deutschmarks like Scrooge McDuck. I also don’t imagine that he considers what he makes good. Boll has never struck me as a film freak or fan, but someone who just views this as his job, his 9-5 profession. What, then, drives him to turn out movie after movie based on a slew of less than stellar videogames? Is it a pathological need to not be famous but notorious? I have no clue and I don’t really know that I want to find out.
All I know is that if someone lets him do another movie with a gratuitous amount of 360 degree shots in it, I will not be held responsible when I call in sick to work and tuck in to watch Die Hard 27 times straight to get the Boll-stink out of my head.