Scott’s post over at He Shot Cyrus got me thinking about not just top five horror, but what would I play for 24 straight hours of horror if I got the chance? I mean, if I had 24 hours to just lollygag around and watch whatever totally straight through with Twizzlers, Sno-Caps and tons of Jolt cola, what exactly would I be watching?
I think you suspect by now that I have an answer for you and…I do. For argument’s sake, we’re just going to say that fifteen movies constitutes 24 hours of viewing time, give or take a few hours…er, minutes.
Best quote: “I kick ass in the name of the Lord!”
Awww, a boy who loves his mother so much he keeps her up even after she gets all zombified and wreaks havoc upon the general population of Wellington. Also, it’s one of Peter Jackson’s earliest movies.
Best quote: “You made me hurt myself again…but that’s okay, ’cause I love you, and that’s why you have to let me eat your BRAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNSSSSS!”
Punk rock meets zombies with a good sense of humor and a nice, feasible ending. Also? Linnea Quigley. If you’re familiar with Linnea Quigley’s body of work, then you know that means lots of clothes coming off Linnea Quigley.
Best quote: “Get away from her, you BITCH!”
Right on, Ripley. Aliens is probably one of the few sequels that I would put money on being better than the original. I don’t think there’s any way you can beat the last twenty minutes of it. And Hicks was dreamy, man. Oh, Michael Biehn.
Best quote: “The Blue Man! THE BLUE MAN!”
Oh my god, I cannot drive past long stretches of cornfields now without thinking of this film and the scene where the kids in the town take over and kill the adults with various, terrifying farm implements. The scene where the guy gets his hand in the mixer in the diner? Egads. It haunts me! And there’s nothing creepier than evil children.
Best quote: “We’re going to get you!”
I love Bruce Campbell. LOVE HIM. And you can’t beat this movie for sheer originality – at least, at the time. Bonus points if you get the ’50’s sci-fi reference in the film, something that always makes me want to hug it closely and never let go.
Best quote: ” ‘Son, you wanna give me one good reason why you would steal a Snickers bar?’ ‘The nougat?; “
Look, I know it’s trendy to hop on the WE HATE ELI ROTH bandwagon, but I so can’t do it. God as my witness, I love me some Eli Roth. I’ve gotta give credit to any man that makes me internally wince every time I pick up a disposable razor to shave my legs. I love funny-scary movies and Cabin Fever has some great jokes.
Best quote: “It mated us, me and the fly. We hadn’t even been properly introduced.”
Holy hell, I do not know what in the devil is wrong with David Cronenberg but I adore that man and his movies. My mother often rues the fact that I profess – loudly – that I will never have children. As long as I can remember I have not wanted to have kids, but watching Geena Davis birth a Glo-Worm just sealed that pact for me. Any time my mom wants to be like, “Are you sure you don’t want to rethink having children someday?” I just want to cue up that scene for her and say, “LOOK, MOM! LOOK AT WHAT COULD HAPPEN!”
Basically, flies and transporters don’t mix. Especially if you’re Jeff Goldblum and you turn into a mutant human fly thingie.
I don’t even know where to start with this one. I don’t even remember a good quote for this one. All I remember is OMG WHAT THE HELL CRONENBERG AIEEEEEEE.
Enough said, I think.
Best quote: “I’m not gonna hurt ya. I’m just gonna bash your brains in!”
Excluding Crazy Nicholson, who’s perfectly crazy all by his lonesome, dude. I normally have issues with Kubrick but he made the creepiest movie ever. The elevator with all the blood coming out? Oh, hold me. Dear God.
Best quote: “It was always you, Helen.”
OH MY GOD, KEVIN EFFING SPACEY. The end of this movie? Shudder, shudder. It freaks Younger Sister out for decidedly different reasons that can’t be explained here, but I always found the whole thing to be just…a big pile of WTF scary.
Clive Barker, you is terrifying.
Best quote: ” The Cenobites gave me an experience beyond limits… pain and pleasure, indivisible.:”
Okay, look. If there’s a full, ins-and-outs kind of explanation for the weird S&M type stuff that goes on in Hellraiser, I don’t wanna hear it. I’m plugging my ears and patently ignoring it because the movie is freaky enough on its own. Plus the Cenobites are a whole other realm of Monsters Under the Bed that are just so fucking OUT THERE that it’s weird and scary and UGH. The idea that you can open a simple puzzle box and unleash those things with chains and ickness and AAAAHH kind of stuff is just…hide me under the covers, right now, thank you very much.
However, I have lusted after one of those puzzle boxes forever. I want one! I want a real puzzle box that you can twist apart like a hell-containing Rubik’s Cube. Only without, you know, the whole hell-containing part.
Best quote: “What’s in the box?”
I will never look at Christmas tree air fresheners the same way again.
Nor will I ever trust Kevin Spacey fully ever again.
Serial killers = frightening. Especially if they want to torture you for LUST. Excuse me, I have to go cry in the corner right now.
Aw, come on. It’s fun! It has Vincent Price! IT’S OLD SCHOOL!
Best quote: “Look at the face! It’s vacant with a hint of sadness. Like a drunk who’s lost a bet.”
IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHY I LIKE THIS, WE CANNOT BE FRIENDS.
Kidding. We can be friends, you just have to watch this movie first.
I….I don’t think I’ve ever fully recovered from this one what with the head and the dog and the scariness of Wilford Brimley. I mean, Kurt Russell is the man but I saw this as a kid and I think this is why I’m afraid of living somewhere cold now. God forbid an alien should want to take me over. God Almighty, this scared me. And since I have to watch Wilford Brimley wax poetic about his DIABEEEETES over and over again on infomercials, I’d just like to say, Quaker Oats Man – between this and Cocoon you scarred my childhood.
In a totally awesome way.