Archive for September 8th, 2008

#1466: Botched

How apropos.

There’s something to be said for brevity.

Botched is a mess.   It’s a funny, sort of endearing mess, but a mess nonetheless.   It also makes no sense.   It goes too many directions.   It tries to bite off more than it can chew, with trying to make a hostage situation fearsome, satanic twins, Russian legend, quirky crazy Russian hostages, bizarre traps and weapons and something that’s wholly different from what the film sets up.

So that’s pretty much it.   There’s not much good in it.   I really don’t know what else to say other than I still feel confused as to what the heck was going on here, but I know it wasn’t awesome.

Also, a note to any Hollywood types:  If I have to see Stephen Dorff grimace and scowl his way through one more movie with that swagger of his, my head might explode.   It hasn’t been entertaining in any movie he’s been in, and it’s not entertaining now.   I beg of you, please – if you have to cast the man in something, put him in a non-scowly comedic role and send his ass to Method Acting classes or something, because watching this man makes me TIRED.

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Good Lord – talk about beating a dead horse.

Nightmare on Elm Street 5:  The Dream Child is little more than someone who is not Wes Craven attempting to reinvent the wheel (or, er, the franchise) and failing miserably.

We pick up with Alice and Dan again, and they seem to be normal and well-adjusted and graduating high school with a new group of friends we’ve never met before.   Dan and Alice seem reasonably happy, too; they have an extended vacation planned to Europe for the summer and all seems well.

Say it with me now:  uh-oh.

Alice tells Dan about this freaky dream she had and her sneaking suspicion that Freddy is returning.   Dan tells Alice to chillax, and just take it easy – one bad dream doesn’t mean Freddy’s returning.

Man, I’m getting tired of typing that.

Alice is on her way to work when she has a totally schizoid dream that involves her seeing exactly how Amanda Krueger conceived and gave birth to Freddy (which – two scoops of ick, thanks), and sees a new, disgusting looking Freddy-baby crawl into the old church where Alice beat him down in Part IV.   The baby-thing crawls into Freddy’s clothes and becomes…grown-up Freddy!

Say what you will about the man, but he does know how to make an entrance.


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