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Archive for August 24th, 2008

Ah, Nightmare on Elm Street. A great classic series, no?

In honor of the fact that I splurged bought the entire series on DVD, Monday, September 1st will start my Nightmare on Elm Street week, where I’ll review the entire series plus whatever else I can scrounge up on it.

Don’t like Freddy that much? Not a horror fan? Don’t worry, stick around – I’ll have other stuff up too.

Because nothing says scary quite like that freaktastic sweater.

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Predictable plot?  Monsters?  Gore?  But mostly cheesy, fun goodness?

Check, check, check and check.

Demon Knight‘s fairly predictable.   Two men get into a car wreck after one’s been chasing the other.   Man number one holes up in a small hotel.   Man number two shows up with the cops looking for him.   Okay, so man number one has this holy artifact that Man number two wants, and from there hijinks ensue involving Man number two actually being well, a demon, and man number one being a holy protector of a key and the residents of the hotel get caught in the middle.

Plus, Demon Knight has an awful lot of “Hey!  It’s [That Actor]!” in it.

Witness:

John Larroquette, y’all.  And:

William Sadler, a/k/a The Bad Guy from Die Hard 2!   Woo!   I can never see William Sadler without thinking of naked Tai Chi.  If you’ve seen Die Hard 2, then you know what I’m talking about.  If you haven’t…well, then, I’m sure you’re feeling disturbed at this moment.

CCH Pounder as a bitter innkeeper!   (Who later gets her arm severed.  And delivers some punchy, caustic dialogue.   Woo!)

Jada Pinkett – before she added the Smith!

Thomas Haden Church, before he was in some silly movie about wine, played some sicko freak in this one.

But the real star of this movie is…

BILLY ZANE.

Hells yes!

See, Billy Zane plays the bad demon who’s hellbent (see what I did there?) on getting this super awesome, very powerful key, and William Sadler is the guy who’s been protecting it for a very long, long time.   And Billy Zane knows what kind of movie he’s in, so Zane camps it up.   I mean, he kicks the camp factor up about ten notches.   It’s great.   There’s no use in pretending that you’re in a dramatic, artsy movie when your character punches a guy through the head:

He’s quirky, he’s campy, and he’s very, very bad.   He’s one of those bad guys you kind of root for, especially since you can probably predict how the movie’s going to end.

There’s a lot of killings and some evil zombie demon minion thingies, but Tales of the Crypt has never been about high art, just delivering a good, schlocky time in the spirit of horror.   That’s one thing I do appreciate, beyond Billy Zane’s performance.   And while the special effects aren’t awesome and inspiring, they do the trick.   They’re not the best, but they fit the movie rather admirably, I think.   When you’ve got evil dead minion demon thingies shooting lightning bolts out of their eyes, I don’t think you’re shooting for realism there.   Just sayin’.

I’d say the weak links here are some random actress that plays a prostitute and Jada Pinkett (Smith), who looks as if she doesn’t really understand what the objective of all this is.   However, everything else is just a campy, popcorn-y good time.

I loved it, although you kind of don’t want Billy Zane to lose in the end, but the movie’s a great little entertaining slice of horror.  Sure, it won’t win any Academy Awards, but it did manage to make me love Billy Zane a whole bunch, which I’m fairly sure was andrew’s intention since I was ragging on Zane pretty hard a while ago.   Poor Zane.   He gets no respect.

Consider your objective achieved, andrew, and Billy Zane, I take back all those awful, mean things I said about you.

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