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Archive for February 23rd, 2008

#1419: Shoot ‘Em Up

What.  The.  Hell.

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This is a movie that best describes the old adage “the road to hell is paved with good intentions”.  Someone started out to make a decently fun action flick and fucked up seriously along the way.

There is nothing redeeming about this movie.   Even as a moviegoer who can suspend disbelief for just about anything, this movie borders on insane.   There’s no fun here, only exhaustion.  By the third time someone dies by carrot (yes, you read that right) you’re waiting for something fun and or interesting.  Instead you get the same, tired shlock you’ve come to expect from bad action movies, just with a patina of snazzier set up and effects, with newfangled ways of killing people that just wear on the viewer.

This movie sucked, pure and simple.  Every single cast member phoned it in; Clive Owen acts like he’s a block of wood or something.   He doesn’t suck, but he’s not good either.   I struggled with this one, mainly because I’d been wanting to see it for quite a while and I wasn’t willing to give up on it — my hand touched the remote power button several times while I debated whether or not to turn it off.

This movie sucked SO HARD I want to find Clive Owen and wring two hours of life out of his body in exchange for making me sit through this mess.  When Crank looks like a more believable movie than this, your movie has problems.

Verdict:  I can’t express in words how bad this movie was.  Redneck Zombies is finer cinema than this.   Forget it even existed.   Ever.

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