I feel…perplexed.
Long story short: Santa is actually a demon who lost a bet years before and was sentenced to 1,000 years of doing good. His thousand years of good behavior ar eover, so he comes to Hell Township to wreak havoc upon the citizens on Christmas. Nicholas Yuleson is chased along with his friend Mary by the evil Santa Claus, culminating in …
Yawn.
I mean, Santa’s Slay is your typical low-budget holiday horror flick. I really don’t understand spending a lot of time and money on a film that ostensibly is built around not-so-clever uses of bad puns. Someone really wanted an evil Santa Claus to kill people with candy canes and drown people with eggnog while uttering witty lines like, “Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus!” The names of the characters – Nicholas Yuleson, for example – are downright corny and painful. Yes, makers of Santa’s Slay, I got the joke. You like wordplay. I might have picked that up from the title, although you’re not as cutesy as you think you are.
For the few good ideas, the rest of the movie just drags and drags and drags. I’d rather eat a whole fruitcake than sit through another Christmas-themed killing, I swear.
It should be noted that I nearly fell asleep about three separate times during this one. It’s indicative of the movie’s quality, I hope.
But there is something memorable about this movie — the introductory scenes where a family is slaughtered by the now fully recharged and evil Santa. Except the members of this family are…actually famous!
Yes, FRAN DRESCHER AND CHRIS KATTAN are in this thing. I know Chris Kattan and Fran Drescher aren’t synonymous with box office success, but seriously, one would think that they wouldn’t have to go this low for money.
Oh, James Caan, why?
I guess if your movie’s only memorable for the fact that James Caan gets stabbed through the hands and Fran Drescher’s hair is set alight in the first five minutes, only to have them quickly massacred with a movie following said scene that’s so yawn-worthy it might be a better sleep aid than NyQuil, you might not have much of a movie on your hands at all.
What?? How can you find a movie where a jewish wrestler plays Satan’s son who turned into Santa cause he lost at curling then he kills everyone in sight including a cursing slow driving granny and Claire from “Lost” is dating a dude who’s grandfather is really a 5000 year old angel and they play ANOTHER game of curling to decide the fate of the world BORING?? WHAT??
You sure you watched the right movie?
-Jason
You sure you watched the right movie?
Yeah, I’m pretty sure I did. :D I just got really worn out on it really, really fast. Does it make sense if I say that it felt like the movie was trying too hard?
Well I guess we looked at it differently. I looked at it as everyone having fun and not taking themselves seriously at all. I tend to like bad movies like that, it makes the viewing more tolerable and is totally something I’d write.
-Jason
Jason, I also think that a lot of it is watching a lot of bad movies all the time these days. It’s becoming a lot harder to enjoy good-bad, so I guess I should put that out there, too.
Actually, I can totally see where you’re coming from but for some reason it was just not my cup of tea, and I think if I wasn’t sold in the first ten minutes, it was really hard to sell me on the rest of the movie.
“What?? How can you find a movie where a jewish wrestler plays Satan’s son who turned into Santa cause he lost at curling then he kills everyone in sight including a cursing slow driving granny and Claire from “Lost” is dating a dude who’s grandfather is really a 5000 year old angel and they play ANOTHER game of curling to decide the fate of the world BORING?? WHAT??
You sure you watched the right movie?
-Jason”
WOAH! THAT’S what this movie is about? Maybe I will watch this one. Is everyone aware of exactly who Bill Goldberg is? He’s the guy who went 173-0 in WCW (World Championship Wrestling) back in ‘97/’98. Gotta give him some props for that. ;)
s everyone aware of exactly who Bill Goldberg is?
I was vaguely aware of who he was, yeah. I don’t know, Scott, you might like it – I just got bored really fast. (Although I will say the menorah-through-the-neck is a nice scene.)
At first I thought the picture was of Catherine Zeta-Jones. Ah dear. I like Fran Drescher in everything I’ve seen her in, but, of course, I haven’t seen this. 0-o
I hope you’re through your list of worst movies ever soon, because when potentially so-bad-they’re-good movies start just seeming tedious and boring . . . well. That sucks. Wishing you many good movies sometime in the near future!