It’s hard for me to hate on Nic Cage.
Seriously, I have a lot of love for the man. I think it stems from the fact that Cage wasn’t going to settle for a merely mediocre film career; goddammit, if he was going to be bad, he was going to be the worst of the very worst. He would make movies like Bangkok Dangerous and Next sheerly for the awful factor because he already got his damn Academy Award, so why not excel in the other direction? (This, at least, is what I tell myself when I curl up with a Nicolas Cage movie on a Saturday night.)
There is something intangible, something nominally endearing about Cage that I just can’t shake. Even when he’s at his worst, I just kind of shake my head. “Oh, Nicolas,” I mentally say and I carry on. Any other actor would cause a disgusting stream of invective to exit my mouth, but not Cage. Oh, no. And why, I’ve never really become quite certain. Cage just makes bad movies, and I just watch them and giggle, and we both carry on like things are right in the world.
You know.
So The Wicker Man is no exception. I know I should be RIGHTEOUSLY INDIGNANT that they remade this one. The original was uber-cool and featured bad-ass Christopher Lee, so remaking it – the sense it does not make. But this is Nicolas Cage World and we don’t ask questions there, because the answers we would get in Nicolas Cage World make little to no sense.
The movie itself is somewhat faithful to the original; man gets on this creepy island, searching for a lost little girl and at the end discovers he’s intended for a ritual sacrifice because the island’s inhabitants follow some old-school pagan religion. Did I spoil you? Oops. Oh, well.
It’s hard for me to lump this in the same category as Ax ‘Em or Midnight Skater simply because this movie brings horrible, disgusting, unintentional hilarity at every turn. And thanks to YouTube, you can see them all compiled here:
NOT THE BEES! NOT THE BEEEEEEEEES! AHHHHHHHH!
I’d say the only thing that kind of disturbs me about this version of The Wicker Man is the change made to make the society a “Celtic pagan” community where women are the utter psychos, rather than an island of women and men. It makes my feminist-ire bone tickle in a funny way, to tell you the truth.
Cage is a fount of hysterics. He’s a master of awful cinema. And so, while I admit The Wicker Man is truly horrific, while it’s nothing like the original, while it is nothing like what it set out to be…I laughed far more than I have at other straight-up comedies.
And for all you Cage haters? The ending scenes are worth it for you. Watching Cage’s bones get shattered and then, presumably, watching him burn to death will more than satisfy your vengeful bloodlust for movies like Guarding Tess and Con Air.
If you’re renting the DVD, be aware; the filmmakers did away with the original ending and tacked on an “alternate ending”. I spent my final viewing experience pissed off because you have no option to view the original theatrical ending like you do on most DVDs. Why am I pissed? Because apparently I missed thirty or so seconds of James Franco, who was in the original theatrical ending. NOW THAT would’ve made The Wicker Man infinitely better, because James Franco is hot and I am nothing if not terrifically shallow.
Oh, Nicolas. What WON’T you do?
That video is the best thing I have ever seen. I remember when one of my friends first sent it to me, I was CRYING with laughter.
That video is the best thing I have ever seen
Do you remember sitting around and watching Leelee Sobieski getting kicked in the neck repeatedly? I swear to God, I think we rewound that thing like twenty times. :D Good times, good times.
(Is it just me or do Leelee Sobieski and Evan Rachel Wood look similar?! It freaks me out. …That is all.)
I remember catching the second half of this when I was babysitting my niece. It was bad in a fun way so I meant to rent it someday, but that YouTube clip will suffice.
I agree with you on the endearing quality in Cage. I actually really like him in Next and Ghost Rider. He looks funny in Next, but I think he’s good.
p.s. I can’t believe Fletch hasn’t posted a comment yet.
Love the clip show. Watching Bear-Cage lumber up the hill and slug that chic is a close second to watching Leelee get kicked in the face. That girl bugs me to no end so it was like poetic justice.
Director Neil LaBute has a thing about unlikable women.
I agree with you on the endearing quality in Cage.
Thanks, Fox! It’s good to know I’m not the only one!
p.s. I can’t believe Fletch hasn’t posted a comment yet.
…Same here. Where is Fletch, in his resplendent Cage-hating glory?! :D
Watching Bear-Cage lumber up the hill and slug that chic is a close second to watching Leelee get kicked in the face.
I used to joke that Sobieski getting kicked in the face in The Wicker Man was payback for every cinemaphile’s suffering through The Glass House.
Director Neil LaBute has a thing about unlikable women.
I think LaBute might have a problem with women, in general. :(
Also, there’s this part where the crowd of spectators toward the end start repeating everything that Ellen Burstyn says, and it so reminded me of “The greater good! THE GREATER GOOOOOOOD” in Hot Fuzz that I started laughing so hard I choked. That alone redeemed the time I spent watching this semi-fun piece of crap. :D
My husband worked on that movie – they filmed it up here in the lower mainland of British Columbia and he told me after his first day or so on the set he knew this was going to be awful. And boy, was he right. Man, that movie really stank. But Mike said Nicolas Cage was very nice to everyone on set and was friendly, signed autographs, etc.
My main concern with Nicolas Cage is his hair. Honestly. It’s atrocious. Well, that and he named his kid el-al or something Superman related. But his hair? It’s kookie.
Carol, I will say this: the scenery was gorgeous. As a Texas girl who lives on the prairie, I was so envious of the scenery!
I hear good things about Cage personally and I’m so glad to hear Mike had a good experience.
My main concern with Nicolas Cage is his hair. Honestly. It’s atrocious. Well, that and he named his kid el-al or something Superman related. But his hair? It’s kookie.
Yeah, he’s a little whackadoodle in real life. His hair…there are no words. I worry about his hair. Jeez.