Alright, here’s the deal: I’m out of my swanky blogging office until Monday.
In the meantime, Reader’s Choice is back, but with a new theme this time around: worst movies ever. What can I say? After the punishing week I’ve had, I’m feeling exceptionally masochistic.
November 1 is the date I’m shooting for to start all this, so spread the word and hop on board. All you have to do is drop me a comment here with the movies you think are the worst EVER and I’ll queue ‘em up and gladly sit through them.
I may need a crash helmet, a mouthguard and pharmaceuticals to make it through all this, but you never know.
EDIT: Here are the list of movies so far:
- Ax’Em
- Midnight Skater
- Camp Slaughter
- Grizzly Rage
- The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie
- Manos: Hands of Fate
- The Wicker Man
- Win a Date with Tad Hamilton
- Emma
- Armageddon
- The Fast and the Furious
- 10,000 BC
- BMX Bandits
- Alien vs. Predator
- Domino
- Gigli
- I Know Who Killed Me
- Planet of the Apes (Remake)
- The Number 23
- 88 Minutes
- Meet The Spartans
- Untraceable
- Jack Frost 2
- Fear of Clowns
- Roger Corman’s Fantastic Four
- Superman 3
- Superman 4 (Ed. Note: There was a Superman 4?!)
- Leonard Part 6
- Adam & Evil
- Rodentz
- Santa’s Slay
- Bratz: The Movie
- Super Sweet 16: The Movie
- Troll 2
- House of the Dead
- Alone In The Dark
ADDITIONAL EDIT:
- Glitter
- Captain America (1990)
- Comanche Blanco
- The Punisher (Dolph Lundgren version)
- Just My Luck
- Eragon
- Begotten
- The Wedding Date
HOLY SHIT, YOU GUYS! I am blown away.
You’ve got until November 1, so keep submitting. If you’re wondering how I’m planning on getting through all that, well, I’ll just chain myself to my computer and upgrade my Netflix plan.
And just for fun: whoever submits the movie I deem the worst gets a prize. What kind of prize, I don’t know, but you’ll get something. Like, something Caitlin has to mail to you.
oh really?
here you go, you asked for it:
Ax’Em
Midnight Skater
Camp Slaughter
There you go. I’m right there with you, I like horrible movies. I’d like to join in on the fun. Great site!
Grizzly Rage
The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie
Manos: Hands of Fate (Has to be on the list)
I’ll Netflix these tonight, guys, and let you know if Netflix doesn’t stock any of htem.
Spongebob Squarepants? Was it that bad, Joseph?
The Wicker Man remake.
Or . . .
Win a Date with Tad Hamilton.
My pick: Emma
Kevin: But .. but… Leelee Sobieski gets kicked in the neck in the Wicker Man remake!
I am afraid of Win a Date with Tad Hamilton.
Emma, Scott? Really?!
You guys are really pleasantly shocking me with your film choices here.
Emma is the most boring film I’ve ever seen.
Clueless > Emma x100,000
Armageddon. That is all.
Oh….The Fast and the Furious! That was a shit sandwich too!
Armageddon. That is all.
ButIloveArmageddon!
I will, uh, show myself out of my own blog now.
Clueless > Emma x100,000
Never seen Emma, but I do adore Clueless. :D
ButIloveArmageddon!
Really?
ooookkkaaaayyyy…..Nevermind me, I’ll just back away veeery slowly and leave now.
That was a shit sandwich too!
I don’t know why, but when I read this, I had a flashback to, “Quit trying to poke check, you shithook!”
Ah, andrew, good times.
Really?
ooookkkaaaayyyy…..Nevermind me, I’ll just back away veeery slowly and leave now.
In a totally awful way. I think it’s a piece of shit but I love it. Does that make sense? I love it in the same sense I would Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers.
I don’t know why, but when I read this, I had a flashback to, “Quit trying to poke check, you shithook!”
Hockey on the brain. It must be October 8th.
I think it’s a piece of shit but I love it. Does that make sense?
Well, sort of. I mean, I certainly don’t doubt that you love it for it’s shitiness. I just can’t see it that way myself. Then again, I thought Josie and Pussycats was funny, so my opinion can be ignored. Completely.
I agree Armageddon was a festering anal wart of a movie. Along with almost everything Michael Bay puts onscreen.
I’d rather stare at a naked 100watt light bulb for 2 hours while Cork City construction works jackhammered into megaphones strapped to both my ears than sit through Armageddon again.
And as for Bad Boys II . . .
I agree Armageddon was a festering anal wart of a movie. Along with almost everything Michael Bay puts onscreen.
Oh my god, I agree 100%. Michael Bay should suffer long and hard for the shit that he’s forced onto the populace.
I’d rather stare at a naked 100watt light bulb for 2 hours while Cork City construction works jackhammered into megaphones strapped to both my ears than sit through Armageddon again.
Kevin, I think that actually pretty much sums up the plot of Armageddon.
Then again, I thought Josie and Pussycats was funny, so my opinion can be ignored. Completely.
I LOVE JOSIE AND THE PUSSYCATS. There’s no hate for that movie here! If loving it is wrong, then I’m the wrongest lady ever.
God, I feel so ashamed of myself for liking Armageddon, but I CAN’T HELP IT. I hate every other Michael Bay movie (well….I liked The Rock) but I can’t bring myself to hate the cheesy spectacle of crap that is Armageddon.
I’d rather stare at a naked 100watt light bulb for 2 hours while Cork City construction works jackhammered into megaphones strapped to both my ears than sit through Armageddon again.
Wow! Tell me how you really feel, Kevin.
Now I feel like a need a hug and a martini. Damn.
10,000 BC, BMX Bandits, and AVP.
That’s, like, enough.
And The SBSP Movie is NOT one of the worst movies ever. That’s just a heartless thing to say. Ew.
I LOVE JOSIE AND THE PUSSYCATS. There’s no hate for that movie here! If loving it is wrong, then I’m the wrongest lady ever.
Awesome.
I firmly believe that Parker Posey makes any movie 1000% better. Plus, Rachel Leigh Cook….*drool*
10,000 BC, BMX Bandits, and AVP.
That’s, like, enough.
And The SBSP Movie is NOT one of the worst movies ever. That’s just a heartless thing to say. Ew.
I firmly believe that Parker Posey makes any movie 1000% better. Plus, Rachel Leigh Cook….*drool*
Please explain the Rachel Leigh Cook thing to me because I don’t get it.
I saw Blade Trinity for Parker Posey. <3 her. Her character in A Mighty Wind kills me.
Will Netflix, J.D.!
Please explain the Rachel Leigh Cook thing to me because I don’t get it.
I dunno, she’s just hawt. Watch Scorched or 11:14 and tell me she’s not wicked hott. I think she’s pretty funny as well. Then again, I’ve never seen She’s All That.
I saw Blade Trinity for Parker Posey. <3 her. Her character in A Mighty Wind kills me.
All of her characters in Christopher Guests movies are awesome. I love her Best in Show:
“We met at Starbucks. Not at the same Starbucks but we saw each other at different Starbucks’ across the street from each other.”
Hockey on the brain. It must be October 8th.
Or 9th. My bad. Hockey has me so wired up that I can’t even remember the date.
Or 9th. My bad. Hockey has me so wired up that I can’t even remember the date.
Me, personally, I was just gonna let it slide, andrew… :p
Here’s a few I’ve given awful reviews to in the past:
Domino
Gigli
I Know Who Killed Me
Planet of the Apes (Remake)
The Number 23
I just finished a Razzie Winners Week awhile back. A part of me died trying to get through 7 films that have won Worst Picture Razzie Award. Best of luck to you, Caitlin.
Awww, thanks Rachel. Oh, I had been WAITING for someone to pop up with I Know Who Killed Me. You did a Razzie Winners Week? Bless you, for you must have suffered muchly.
My brain finds it hard to think back past 2008, but my worsts of this year:
88 Minutes
Meet The Spartans
Untraceable
Hated every single one of those
Nick, you just reminded me of some more. Caitlin, you can also review anything titled “____ Movie”. Guarantee you it will be the worst piece of shit.
Off topic, Caitlin do you like westerns? I saw one the other day that I had somehow missed out on the first time around. It was an Aussie western called The Proposition, with Guy Pearce. Ever seen it? I thought it was phenomenal.
I love westerns, andrew, (I’m really wanting to see Appaloosa, but it’ll have to wait, par example) but I have not seen The Proposition.
thought it was phenomenal.
Ooh, will add!
88 Minutes
Meet The Spartans
Untraceable
Nick is clearly trying to kill me. And I think that if I’m going to do this, I’d better go buy a thesaurus. I need some synonyms for “sucks”.
Ooh, will add!
Cool, let me know what you think! Everyone talked up 3:10 to Yuma like it was the new hotness, but I was only mildly impressed. I thought this movie blew it out of the water. It’s really violent, but not so much that it takes away from the rest of the flick. I’m a sucker for violent movies. Plus I like Guy Pearce, a lot. I dunno, let me know what you think.
I’d better go buy a thesaurus. I need some synonyms for “sucks”.
Hahaha! Seriously
Why did you do this to yourself?
And yes, Parker Posey is a whole load of awesome. She’s usually the best thing in movies, i.e. Superman Returns, Scream 3 . . . but when it comes Christopher Guest movies no one can outdo Catherine O’Hara. She needs to be showered in accolades. Love her.
Let me also add Jack Frost 2 to the shit-list.
Where did my comment go? Odd.
Kevin, you’re probably caught in the spam filter – gimme two seconds.
There you go, fixed!
Why did you do this to yourself?
What, worst movies ever? Or are you referring to something else? I figure if I can do the Nightmare series in twelve days, I can handle anything.
but when it comes Christopher Guest movies no one can outdo Catherine O’Hara.
Awww, I love Catherine O’Hara! She’s one of my favorite parts of Beetlejuice. :D
Let me also add Jack Frost 2 to the shit-list.
Will do, Kevin. I’ll edit the post tonight to at least reflect what’s currently on the list.
Hmmm where will I ever come up with some bad movies for you?
Manos: The Hands of Fate
Fear of Clowns
Roger Corman’s Fantastic Four (Might be hard to find)
Superman 3 & 4
Leonard Part 6
Adam & Evil
Rodentz
Santa’s Slay
Bratz: The Movie
Super Sweet 16: The Movie
Troll 2
House of the Dead
Alone In The Dark
That’s enough I think. And I didn’t read any of the comments left by other people so if there’s any repeats in there, I’m…amazed actually.
-Jason
Jason, I think only Manos is a repeat. And I’ve already reviewed House of the Dead before, so I’ll repeat it.. Other than that, everything else will be added! Thanks for the horrifying suggestions (Bratz?! OMG.)
Glitter. Mariah Carey. And i love ms carey
Patrick, I will add it to the list! Thanks for stopping by!
Captain America, the 1990 movie. Bad bad bad bad bad.
Comanche Blanco. This was a 1968 western where William Shatner plays identical twin, half white/half Comanche brothers. Need I type more? I need not.
Oh and I second Manos the Hands of Fate, and the only place I have ever seen the Roger Corman Fantastic Four is bootlegged at Midtwon Comics here in NYC. Not that I read comics or anything…
Morgan! Aww, thanks for stopping by! (If you’re the Morgan that I think you are, I’ll even throw in a “go Devils!”)
All of those sound distinctly, horribly awful, so they’re going on the list.
I have heard horror stories of trying to track down Corman’s Fantastic Four, but I shall endeavour to do my very best.
This was a 1968 western where William Shatner plays identical twin, half white/half Comanche brothers.
:o
That’s like…too awesomely bad to potentially exist.
Not that I read comics or anything…
Not that I read comics or anything either, but if you did, hypothetically, you prefer Marvel or DC? I was always an X-Men girl myself, THEORETICALLY, but I liked a lot of what Vertigo put out.
/girlgeek moment.
Okay, since we’re bringing comicbook movies into the fray, how about The Punisher….starring the one and only Dolph Lundgren? Holy shit that movie was terrible.
Also, ohmygod. Caitlin. Have you ever seen a movie called Bon Cop Bad Cop? I watched it last night. Check it out:
A by-the-numbers detective from Toronto teams up with a loose cannon detective from Montreal to catch a serial killer who is targeting members or the professional hockey community.
Can you believe that shit? It’s basically a Canadian Lethal Weapon. Nothing to write home about, at all, except that there are a ton of blatant references to the NHL. The whole Eric Lindros saga is in there, the Quebec team being relocated to Colorado only to win the Cup in their first year, and the coup de grace…the commisioner of this league (called the LHC) is an American lawyer who also just happens to be a Canadian hating little person (litteraly) named Buttman. I can’t imagine why the NHL didn’t give their stamp of approval.
I’m dead serious. You have to watch this movie.
Also, ohmygod. Caitlin. Have you ever seen a movie called Bon Cop Bad Cop?
NO! But you totally had me at Canadian Lethal Weapon and Buttman. (That’s a-may-zing.)
You have to watch this movie.
Going to see if Netflix stocks it RIGHT NOW.
NO! But you totally had me at Canadian Lethal Weapon and Buttman. (That’s a-may-zing.)
Yeah, it’s odd. But I guess mindlessly enjoyable (especially if you’re into buddy-cop flicks).
I heart buddy-cop movies, so this movie should be pretty epic for me. YAY!
Oh and I will add Lundgren’s Punisher to the list. What’d you think of Thomas Jane’s version!?
And AHHHH netflix stocks Bon Cop Bad Cop!
What’d you think of Thomas Jane’s version!?
I was okay with it. It wasn’t the bestest thing I’d ever seen, but it damn sure wasn’t the worst. I think Jane did a decent job, and John Travoltas scenery munching is okay too.
I have a hard time giving it an honest assessment because I’m a Punisher fanboy to the core. I grew up reading it, still have every issue (every issue, up until I quit collecting, of course).
And AHHHH netflix stocks Bon Cop Bad Cop!
Go then, my child! Go forth and snark!
andrew, I was surprisingly okay with Travolta in The Punisher, which is shocking.
I liked it, for what’s it worth – I just don’t know how it stands up to the comics!
Go forth and snark!
This is so my new tagline.
This is so my new tagline.
HA!
Use and abuse it as you see fit.
I’m gonna say: Just My Luck and Eragon for now. I’m sure that I have others kicking around in my repressed memory though.
My girlfriend wants to nominate “The Wedding Date.” I liked it…
If we’re allowed to two, my second one will be BEGOTTEN.
Actually, if we’re only allowed one, it’s BEGOTTEN. Definitely. That prize is mine.
Netflix has BEGOTTEN (I like to capitalize it’s name) on “save” so I found it online for you.
*Colbert voice* PRIZE PLEASE *Colbert Please*
Here’s the link: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-7973225371449473825
Enjoy.
Alison, I’ll add ‘em in when I get home tonight (I’m currently at a hockey game). If you think of any more, just let me know!
Scott, you can totally submit more than one – and I’m glad the girlfriend is participating. And I’m buying the prize this weekend, woo!
Well, I know I won’t need to add any more. I’ve picked the worst.
This shall be EPIC, Caitlin.
*goes to make popcorn*
You can’t watch Superman 3 or 4 until you’ve seen part 2.
Scott, heh! I already have the prize lined up (which consists, really, of many things) and we’ll see how awful Begotten is. :D
J.D., this might be so epic it kills me.
Kevin: I will Netflix part 2 ASAP. I want to see it anyways just for General Zod. I love that dude already. :)
I think you may have to limit it down to 7. Like a week of hell. Otherwise you’ll rot your brain from all this crap.
I don’t know, Kevin….we’ll see. I’ve made it through worse, I think.
…I think.
Otherwise you’ll rot your brain from all this crap.
I think my brain’s already rotted, sadly. :/
I think my brain’s already rotted, sadly. :/
Until you’ve lost the cognitive ability to type, I am afraid this cannot be true.
Until you’ve lost the cognitive ability to type, I am afraid this cannot be true.
True true true.
My head hurts.
Here, have some Ambien.
I’m a doctor now. Look at my white coat! Whee!
Will Dr. J.D. give me other fun meds, too?
Sure! Any you want, kiddo.
Look, this one’s pink!
*goes to get funnel*
Caitlin,
What’s the female equivalent of stones? Whatever they are, you got ‘em.
Piper…I have no idea…
After about the fourth awful movie, I might be a slobbering, drooling, crying mess, but we’ll see.
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