I see a lot of confusion in the movie blogosphere about the upcoming movie Twilight, based off of the popular book series by Stephenie Meyer. Twilight fans are a hardcore little group, and the amount of internet buzz they’ve helped generate for the movie is insane. But…your rank and file movie fan has no idea what this is all about.
Friend, you are in for a real treat.
Twilight’s a lot like Peeps. For those of you without access to Peeps – the horror, I say – let me explain. Peeps are marshmallows covered in colored sugar that traditionally have been sold at Easter. (The Peeps people have realized the marketability of these things at other holidays and have seized on them, but they’re mostly associated with Easter). They were originally sold as these mounds of marshmallow shaped into the form of a chick and covered with fine, granulated sugar in a variety of colors – mainly pink and yellow, should memory serve me correctly.
One Peep is good. But before you know it, you’ve wolfed an entire box down, you’ve gone temporarily insane from the sugar high, your mouth is coated with pink sugar and you end up face down on your bed, with half your teeth having already rotted out of your skull from the massive sugar consumption, a nasty headache and a killer feeling in your stomach.
So, Twilight’s a lot like that. It’s essentially the book form of movie-crack.
My inner twelve year old liked Twilight. My grown-up self has serious issues with it (namely, some bizarr-o, bad portrayals of a “healthy” romantic relationship) but I won’t touch on that here. Instead, I’ll give you the basic rundown of the story and some snicker-worthy factoids, so you’re prepared.
And oh yeah, it’s behind this little separator, so all of you who wish to remain unspoiled may do so (although why in the world you would want to remain unspoiled for Twilight is perfectly beyond me).
- Basic plot: Bella Swan moves to Forks, Washington. Bella has a crush on the most beautiful guy at school, Edward Cullen. Edward and his family turn out to be a bunch of gnarly vampires. Bella and Edward must fight through this to be together! Oh, no!
- Vampires can’t go in the sunlight. Not because they’ll burn up, but because vampires sparkle like diamonds in the sun. That’s right. Disco balls and glitter pens have nothing on the vampires of Twilight. I swear to God, I am not making this up.
- Most vampires are cool with biting people. Not the Cullen family (of course). They only eat animals. Like grizzly bears. And mountain lions.
- Vampires play baseball, but they’re so strong that they have to wait for thunderstorms, so that the sounds of thunder will cover up the deafening sound of the baseball bat smacking the ball. I don’t know what depresses me more, the fact that I wrote a sentence like that or the fact that it’s actually true.
- Oh yeah, vampires also have venom. And magic breath that makes you swoon and faint. Once again, I really, truly am not making this stuff up, y’all.
- One of the reasons Edward is attracted to Bella is because she smells like freesias. I don’t know, make of that what you will.
- The following things are repeated very often in the books, almost annoyingly so, so I will repeat them here: Bella is clumsy; Edward’s old; Bella wants to be a vampire; Edward doesn’t want Bella to be a vampire; Bella has relationship issues.
- Edward can hear everyone’s thoughts except for Bella’s. Also, he likes to watch her sleep. Creepy, much? I say yes, although in the book, Bella seems to find it remarkably romantic. (The hell, I know.)
- Edward’s sister, Alice, can see the future. Vampires seem to have a lot of special “gifts” in these books.
- Vampires don’t sleep. At all, ever.
- Edward Cullen is like, 117 or something. (He’s 100+, that’s all that matters, really).
A word of warning: Your screening may likely be filled up with two kinds of Twilight fans: teenage girls and older women (“Twimoms”, I believe they’re called) who adore the books. Just think of it as the girly vampire version of Star Wars but not…as good. Or, rather, good at all, really.
Twilight fans, what say you? Did I leave anything out?
I swear to God, I am not making this up.
That’s the most commonly uttered sentence when telling people about these books, I’ve found.
A word of warning: Your screening may likely be filled up with two kinds of Twilight fans: teenage girls and older women (”Twimoms”, I believe they’re called) who adore the books.
Don’t forget the people like ONTD-ers, who undoubtedly will scream things like “DAZZLE ME, EDWARD!” I, for one, intend on wearing a very ~*DAZZLING*~ outfit to the movie.
Response: You covered the essentials of the book though in a biased way. Some of what you said is half truth; for instance “Edward watches her sleep”, it’s more like Edward watches OVER her while she sleeps mainly because Bella needs protection and also because Ewards CAN’T sleep. So the distortion of the truth is easily made if you haven’t read the book. Yes, I am a true blue twilight fan. I am, in fact, a TwilightMom. Our forum boasts almost 9,000 members which is remarkable when you consider that there are probably a minimum of 25 different forums online. I recommend that people lurk in a forum to get some REAL insight to all this mania and make their own decision only after READING the book. Though geared to the young adult crowd there are many middle aged (and beyond) women, and also men who are just as enthusiastic about the Twilight saga as I am. If people can get excited over Harry Potter what’s wrong with doing the same over Twilight? They are both fiction. Maybe you can’t identify because you’ve never known or yearned for pure, true love. If so, I truly feel sorry for you because you can’t identify with the characters in this book. Identifying with the characters is what has made this such a huge phenomenon! That’s the essence of this series-True love. Sappy, maybe, but get beyond the fact that vampires and werewolves are part of Twilight and this is really about relationships. It seems most everyone else agrees with me in that true love is worth risking it all. The bottom line? The shear numbers of fans don’t lie.
You covered the essentials of the book though in a biased way.
With all due respect, Shelly, I should think that would be obvious. If you’re not familiar with my reviews and my tone of writing, I would suggest you take a look at some of the other material on the site.
Some of what you said is half truth; for instance “Edward watches her sleep”, it’s more like Edward watches OVER her while she sleeps mainly because Bella needs protection and also because Ewards CAN’T sleep.
I hate to nitpick on details, but when Edward first starts watching her sleep (or when he admits that he first started watching her sleep), there’s no threat to her life in the books. Secondly, I don’t really believe myself that just because someone can’t sleep means that they get to watch a girl sleep outside said girl’s window without the girl’s knowledge.
To me, that’s creepy. To some, romantic. To each her own, I suppose.
If people can get excited over Harry Potter what’s wrong with doing the same over Twilight?
There’s nothing wrong with getting excited over anything, but I do try and maintain a humorous tone here. Be assured that I would mock anyone and anything, really.
But in the end, if you want my opinion, Harry Potter is a far stronger series of books than Twilight, although both authors have ripped off classic literature to suit their own needs.
Maybe you can’t identify because you’ve never known or yearned for pure, true love. If so, I truly feel sorry for you because you can’t identify with the characters in this book.
First of all, let me address something. Part of the reason why we have a healthy discussion around here amongst visitors and commenters is because everyone has a healthy dose of respect for one another.
I personally don’t appreciate the assumption or the condescension. I thoroughly encourage debate and discussion around here within limits, mainly having some measure of manners and civility when you comment. I would encourage you to comment and participate, by all means, but I would ask that you treat everyone here with a healthy dose of respect. There are ways to voice your opinion without being demeaning or rude.
I mocked the book, not the fans, as you’ll notice and I would expect that you would treat people here, not just me, but my readers as well, a little better. If not, it’s easy enough not to read this site and skip commenting.
Secondly, I don’t appreciate the assumption for another variety of reasons, mainly because I don’t think having to “yearn for pure, true love” is a necessity to evaluate fiction as good or bad.
Also, I’ll take the fact that I can’t identify with any of the characters in this book as a compliment.
Identifying with the characters is what has made this such a huge phenomenon!
In my opinion, that’s because the books are written as vampire fanfiction, nothing more, and nothing less.
It seems most everyone else agrees with me in that true love is worth risking it all. The bottom line? The shear numbers of fans don’t lie.
I’m not sure what you’re getting at here. The number of fans proves that it’s a sensation or a phenomenon. I think there’s an awful lot of people out there who want escapist fiction, and Meyer’s provided that quite nicely for some, I suppose (as you said so yourself above).
Also, while I appreciate the fact that Bella and Edward are getting a lot of people to crack a book, Bella and Edward’s love is not my idea of true love. In fact, I think you could probably write an awful lot at length about the unhealthy aspects of most of the relationships in Twilight.
That being said, having a legion of devoted fans doesn’t make anything good. It means there are a lot of people who like it, but that does not make it good.
It merely makes it popular, and that’s a big distinction. I personally don’t feel it’s a great work of upstanding literature. Is it a quick, mushy, read? Yes. Do I think it qualifies as good literature? No.
That being said, Shelly, if you have any questions about this, you’re more than free to e-mail me. My e-mail address is texasmoviequeen@gmail.com.
Twilight is great. I love it and have read all the books twice so far. Edward is my hero and i am wearing my “Mrs. Cullen” shirt to the book release tomorrow… heres a pic:
http://www.twilightshirts.com/shirt/mrscullen
Jessie, enjoy the book release tomorrow!
Caitlin,
Don’t let it get to you. Some people just can’t seem to understand that everyone on this planet is allowed to formulate their own opinion about a given piece of art. That includes making fun of it….on a humorous blog.
Of course, I haven’t read the books, so I’ll refrain from jumping into the argument. I will say this though, I know your taste in movies is pretty good, so I’ll take your review to heart and steer clear.
I will say this though, I know your taste in movies is pretty good, so I’ll take your review to heart and steer clear.
Well, thank you, dearest. Look, it’s going to be bad-good. This whole thing is going to be taken way more seriously than it ever should be and unintentional comedy is going to ensue.
Dammit, andrew, don’t you want to see some vampires SPARKLE?!
Don’t let it get to you.
Usually when one fan with a problem shows up, there’s more coming. Nice to get the “be nice” spiel and all that jazz out of the way.
Dammit, andrew, don’t you want to see some vampires SPARKLE?!
I don’t even know what to say to that.
I like my vampires either bloody and nasty like From Dusk til Dawn, or cool as ice like Christopher effing Lee. As far as I know, there is no sparkling going on there. In fact I think if the special effects guy told Christopher Lee that he was going to make him sparkle, he would have got his teeth punched in.
Usually when one fan with a problem shows up, there’s more coming. Nice to get the “be nice” spiel and all that jazz out of the way.
For sheez.
I agree Caitlin. Twilight is literary crack at its “finest.” I know it’s bad for me. I can feel myself losing brain cells while reading it. Yet, I cannot put the damn books down, and thus am ashamed. They say just admitting you have a problem is the first step, but in what direction? I’ll be happy when my supply runs out.
Though I enjoy the books, which are very poorly written, I am sympathetic to anyone who makes fun of them. It’s a guilty pleaure, at best. And the movie(s) will probably be in the same vein, since there’s hardly a reputable name attached to the first.
And in regards to Shelly above: I somewhat agree that knowing true love helps one understand certain fictional characters to a degree, but this isn’t the case with Twilight. Understanding teenage hormones is the secret to Twilight. And it’s hardly pure or true.
It’s a guilty pleaure, at best.
They’re fluff. I went ahead and tore through the fourth one and find myself even more disturbed than I was at the entire series. I didn’t know that was possible, but…sheesh.
They say just admitting you have a problem is the first step, but in what direction? I’ll be happy when my supply runs out.
Yeah, Breaking Dawn broke me. I’m so glad it’s all over with, because that book? Broke my brain clean in two.
*crashes your blog to dazzle and blow a raspberry at the humorless twimom, Shelly*
And Alexis Bledel, totally should have been Bella. Just saying.
crashes your blog to dazzle and blow a raspberry at the humorless twimom, Shelly
Hee! Feel free to crash anytime, DCMovieGirl. Truly, you are dazzling…perhaps even sparkling.
And Alexis Bledel, totally should have been Bella. Just saying.
She would’ve made a great Bella! I don’t know. Twilight seems like it’s reaching a perfect storm of Epic Fan Wank proportions, so I’m kind of glad no one I really love (aside from Robert Pattinson) got cast, because the Twifans are *this close* to breaking out the pitchforks and torches.
This was wonderful. Those damn books are crack. I was trying to explain to some friends and they didnt understand what I meant when I said “I really hate myself for reading them”. I truely do yet I still charged through all four at record speeds.
Kill me.
[...] hooked. For a very informative post on this extremely ridiculous, yet crack-like book please see this. It pretty much mirrors most of my [...]
I have to admit I “LOLed” about the Peeps. That is so true! XD
I appreciate your warning on the books. A friend wants me to see the movie with her and suggested I read the 1st book before we go. I think I’ll just skip that and watch the sexy guy from HP play the dazzling vampire Edward ;)
Genevieve, if you’re looking for unintentional hilarity, the Twilight books are awesome for that. (Also, if you have a feminist bone in your body, I’m going to guess that you will be more than a little appalled. I certainly was.)
I am a Twilight fan, and also someone with an easygoing sense of humor, so I’m not here to attack you, lol. Just a nitpicky thing though, I think the “breath making Bella swoon” thing was more Edward’s effect on her as a person, not that he had “magic breath”. All this stuff sounds weird taken out of context, but I thought I’d make something sound a bit less ridiculous. :)
On another note, I think that so many women falling for Edward Cullen says something very interesting about women today. Many women who were born in or very young in the 70s when most of the anti-men feminism was taking place are the Twi-Moms (is there a correct spelling for that?) that are now completely besotted by this nice, kind, polite guy that would do anything for you. Also, younger people like me are finding that kind of behavior very attractive. I think this is a new era of wanting respect and trust in a mate, but also not finding it offensive or patronizing if the dude opens the door for you or helps you out once in awhile.
And I’ll shut up now.