You know, I’m all for liking actors who are immensely talented because they’re immensely talented…but every so often, you just have to go with the gut reaction, “Mmm, pretty”. It’s not reasonable, sure, but it’s part of why some actors are cast. And if you’re me, you go for the ones that everyone else is thinking, “Him? Really?”
In some ways, it’s really quite shameful, considering I’ve sat through an awful lot of crap for the ones I find irrationally attractive.
Nobody squees quite like J.D. squees, so this post is in his honor.
The following are the certified beloved actors of 1,416 and Counting, simply for the fact of…uh… “Mmm. Pretty.”
ADRIEN BRODY - I sat through King Kong for you. P.S.: Make some better movies. P.P.S.: What’s with the wanna-be rapper stuff? It’s seriously harshing my pretty buzz over here, Adrien. The man rocks a suit, that’s for sure.
CHRISTIAN BALE - I have no problems with your movie choices, Christian, not even Newsies. Please salvage Terminator 4 for me. Yay! John Connor will finally be smokin’!
CILLIAN MURPHY - Have a sandwich or seven. You’ve got those very nice cheekbones and pretty blue eyes but you look like you weigh approximately seven and a half ounces, Cillian. I’m worried you may break, and then where would I be? Also, there’s no marks against you for movie choices, at least none that I know of.
EWAN MCGREGOR - Please stop talking about your motorcycle. Also, no more pictures of you in kilts, please. And if you ever make another movie as crappy as Eye of the Beholder, it is totally over, Ewan. (At least until I remember my horrible, so wrong it can’t be right kind of love for Brassed Off).
GARY OLDMAN - is the reason why fainting couches were invented.
GEORGE CLOONEY - Uh…I don’t think you need any introduction, Intern George.
GERARD BUTLER - is awful to me. He’s so darn nice looking and then he has to be in such horrible movies. I want my $9 back and an apologetic voicemail, e-mail or handwritten letter to me in return for sitting through the following movies, Gerry: Timeline, Reign of Fire, Phantom of the Opera and Dracula 2000. And let’s preemptively add P.S. I Love You, because I know I’ll see that piece of feel good shit anyways just becaues you’re in it. Also, your fans are insane and scary.
HENRY ROLLINS - I have no issue with Henry’s terrible amazing choices in roles because I’m pretty sure he could rip my spine out and shove it down my throat. That being said…he is one intense little dude. Which is pretty attractive.
HUGH LAURIE - How right you are, Jeeves! Give this man a hug and a drink for A Bit of Fry & Laurie and all of the Jeeves & Wooster thingamajigs he did. Also, I hear he’s in some TV show in America nowadays…
JAMES MCAVOY - Look, any dude that can look attractive while gussied up as a potential cast member for a movie remake of The Waltons defies all logical explanation.
JAMES SPADER - If you were rooting for Andie to say, “Screw Andrew McCarthy! Screw Jon Cryer! I want JAMES SPADER!”, then you too can join Team Caitlin. His portrayal of Alan Shore on Boston Legal is so hilariously neurotic that it’s actually kind of adorable. And he plays “smug yuppie” like no one else.
JOHNNY DEPP - Had me at “Hello, my name is Glen and I’m about to get sucked into my own bed by Freddy Krueger while I wear this ridiculous half-shirt thingy and then a bunch of fake blood is going to vomit out of my bed and on to the ceiling”. It was all downhill from there, really.
KONSTANTIN KHABENKSY - Is Russian. Is attractive. Is awesome as Anton Gorodetsky in the Watch movies. Has a really deep, “serious business” voice and sounds scary cool in Russian.
LIAM NEESON - The man can do no wrong, I’m convinced. The term “made of win” might have been coined for Liam Neeson, I’m not sure. He’s been in crap movies, sure, but come on - he was in Schindler’s List! And he was pretty good as Michael Collins, even though that movie sucked. He’s got a very attractive accent! And he’s…well, he’s Liam Neeson. That’s really all that can be said.
SAM NEILL - Two words: Dr. Grant. And he was in one of my favorite movies of all time, The Hunt For Red October (shut. up). Sam Neill is all smart-attractive!
SEAN BEAN - Did you see any of the Sharpe series? No? No?! Go…Netflix it…now. And, uh, Equilibrium made me want to give him a cookie. Plus, he’s blonde. And he has a predilection for playing villains, which is always charming.
SHIA LABOEUF - Who knew Louis Stevens would grow up to be kinda hot?
TAKESHI KANESHIRO - There’s something about guys that can wear suits nicely and I think Kaneshiro wears a suit better than anyone else. Also, House of Flying Daggers was rad. RAD. (Takeshi owes me a better movie in return for, well, The Returner).
VIGGO MORTENSEN - Dude. Witness. Eastern Promises. Flipping Aragorn. He could kill you, but he’d rather write poetry. In Danish. What doesn’t this guy do?
I love you Cait.
Some of your choices are random, some are stereotypical, but some are definitely OMFG I WANT TO MARRY YOU (especially La McAvoy, of course).
Where’s Michael Caine, though? I thought he’d be here, seeing as you obviously like the men of Batman Begins… :D
Where’s Michael Caine, though? I thought he’d be here, seeing as you obviously like the men of Batman Begins… :D
Michael Caine’s a little too old for me, dearest. :D
Some of your choices are random, some are stereotypical, but some are definitely OMFG I WANT TO MARRY YOU (especially La McAvoy, of course).
Well, I can only be honest. I mean, I just call ‘em like I see ‘em. :D (It’s in the spirit of J.D.! I don’t necessarily expect everyone to share in the old-man love that I have going on).
I love you Cait.
Awww!
AND, I just realized, I left like five guys off. ‘Cause that’s how I roll.
(If I had to pick one, though, I remembered the right one, I guess. :D)
Seriously. <3
And like if I made a post like this, I’d probably include (alpha):
Casey Affleck
Christian Bale
Eric Bana
Jamie Bell
Gael Garcia Bernal
Adrien Brody
Daniel Brühl
Daniel Craig
Matt Damon
Chris Evans
Louis Garrel
Jake Gyllenhaal (eternal for me)
Shia LaBeouf
Hugh Jackman
Jude Law
James McAvoy
Clive Owen
Joaquin Phoenix
& Kevin Zegers
…so…
“GARY OLDMAN - is the reason why fainting couches were invented.”
That’s incredible.
I just may have to steal this idea (and credit you, of course).
Would you hate me if I made a “Guys I’d Go Gay For” post?
Got a thing for a man with an accent, no? Where’s Jim Broadbent and Bill Nighy?!?! ;)
You got HUGH LAURIE right, now please add
GERALD MCRANEY, (JERICHO, MAJOR DAD, SIMON & SIMON, PROMISED LAND,) and SKEET ULRICH. (MIRACLES, JERICHO).
I just may have to steal this idea (and credit you, of course).
Would you hate me if I made a “Guys I’d Go Gay For” post?
Scott, how could I ever hate you? Take it and run with it, man!
Got a thing for a man with an accent, no? Where’s Jim Broadbent and Bill Nighy?!?! ;)
There’s a 1,416 and Counting mandatory age limit, believe it or not, and I believe Broadbent and Nighy are a little past it. ;)
Apparently, my subconscious is trying to tell me my dream man is probably 37 and living across the pond. Damn!
now please add
GERALD MCRANEY, (JERICHO, MAJOR DAD, SIMON & SIMON, PROMISED LAND,) and SKEET ULRICH. (MIRACLES, JERICHO).
You know, McRaney never really did it for me and Skeet Ulrich really creeps me out. I LOVED Major Dad though! Loved it!
Oh, and J.D.: Your list is fantastic! I forgot Gaspard Ulliel, Vincent Cassel, Norman Reedus, Alan Rickman (shuut upppp) and Ron Livingston, to name a few.
“Apparently, my subconscious is trying to tell me my dream man is probably 37 and living across the pond. Damn!”
Haha, that’s funny…and a little sad.
Haha, that’s funny…and a little sad.
Sad in an AWESOME way, Scott! (Hey…wait a minute.)
I have this problem with Elisha Cuthbert movies. Sadly, none of her output has matched by lust for her.
I have a sad suspicion that she is gonna end up being the next Denise Richards and then I am gonna feel lame about my crush.
Fox, I have faith in Cuthbert, I think she can bounce back. She should probably pay attention to Jessica Biel’s career track, I think.
LMAO, I forgot Gaspard on mine too! D’OH!!!!! *bangs head repeatedly into an oddly sharp wall*
Alan Rickman isn’t a bad choice, tbh. :)
LMAO, I forgot Gaspard on mine too! D’OH!!!!! *bangs head repeatedly into an oddly sharp wall*
It’s okay, I just realized after looking at He Shot Cyrus that I forgot John Cusack as well! What the hell is wrong with me?
Alan Rickman isn’t a bad choice, tbh. :)
My life would be very nice if Alan Rickman would follow me around all day and read aloud. He could read the phone book or a biology textbook and that would be perfectly alright.
I know, right? His voice is so entrancing, but not in a necessarily romantic way, it’s just so awesome.
“Who knew Louis Stevens would grow up to be kinda hot?”
Um, me. lol
I know this is J.D. {well deserved} post, but I am going to go and faint now anyway…
So, *faint*
I posted my “Guys I’d Go Gay For” post!
Thanks for the idea.
http://he-shot-cyrus.blogspot.com/2008/07/guys-id-go-gay-for.html
Scott
So, *faint*
Well, I’m glad we have those fainting couches strategically placed in case of an Oldman appearance.
And Scott, I love the post!
Caitlin, this post is awesome! When all my other movie star crushes are dead and forgotten (in favor of an all-encompassing obsession with Sid Crosby, heh), I will still squee for Christian Bale and Cillian Murphy. *happy sigh* Cillian did make at least one stinker though. I can’t remember what it’s called but it was about suicidal young people at a sanatorium in Ireland. It sucked. Sucked rocks. But “Intermission” and “When Harry Became a Tree” more than make up for it!
Pookie, have you seen Disco Pigs? Cillian is totally hot in that too!
And have y’all seen When the Wind Shakes the Barley, yet? Curious to know as he apparently got rave reviews.
(I thought fondly of y’all when selecting a Cillian picture as well!)
Man, I love Gary Oldman. My favorite of his is The Professional. I’m not even sure why. When he yells, EV REE BAHHH DEEE! I get chills. :D
Also, I never watch his TV show, but I would like to marry Hugh Laurie. His Prince George in “Blackadder the (I think) Third” is full-on genius.
I’ve decided that you’re awesome. Period.
Caitlin, your brilliance is astounding; and you have too many excellent quotes to repeat, but I will post my favorite, coincidentally about my number one man:
“He could kill you, but he’d rather write poetry. In Danish.”
Viggo Mortensen. Why eyes were invented.
And here is my last parting plea:
FREE CHRISTIAN!!!!!
Patty, I LOVE Oldman as Stansfield in the Professional. I mean, I know he just chomps on the scenery, but damn if I don’t love the Beethoven/Mozart conversation he has with the dad at the beginning of the film.
Allison, goodness, thank you so much! Love the blog, by the way!
And summerflu, aww, thank you for the kind words. And Viggo is so gosh-darn attractive. It’s the only reason why I can think of that I’ve withstood multiple viewings of G.I. Jane.
And is it wrong that I find it funny that people are now calling Christian Bale “Christian Bail”?
I’m awful.