…You didn’t think I was serious, did you?
So, tonight was a weird night for me. For any of you out there wondering, I don’t watch TV shows. If I do, I usually watch them in several sittings on DVD. I don’t watch network TV in the slightest. I think the last TV show I saw was the season finale of House, Season 1. Yeah.
I usually watch a movie a night, either from Netflix or from my personal stash. I find it infinitely more enjoyable than TV. That’s just me, personally. I’m also a big hockey fan, so most of the time during the regular season, I’m watching several games a week which balances out the movies nicely. We’ve hit the dead part of hockey season right before Stanley Cup playoffs start, so I’ve had a lot of downtime to watch even more movies.
Tonight, however, I had dinner out to celebrate making it another year without sticking any forks in electrical sockets or having a piano dropped on my head, came home and had cake and presents and then settled in to watch what I hoped would be a relaxing, enjoyable hockey game. It was not.
“Curses!” I said to myself. I sat through 65 minutes of a crap sporting event to discover it’s now almost 12:30 a.m. (my time) with little time to watch a movie and write a blog post where I attempt to be funny and fail and then make some crap up. (It takes more time than you think.)
So I delved into my Trailer Repository. The link is in the sidebar if you ever want to see my YouTube account with trailers favorited for upcoming movies. Instead of watching one movie, I could watch snippets of like, six movies, without much effort and time and then tell the internets what I think of them.
Win!
Onwards…
#1: THE LOVE GURU
Okay, so this movie is about a guru who comes from India to reunite a hockey player and his estranged wife, which makes…no sense. First of all, most of this looks like recycled jokes from the Austin Powers, which I hate. Either make Austin Powers IV, Mike Myers, or don’t. Your choice, jerkface. Secondly, the only reason I would go see this movie is for Justin Timberlake playing a Quebecois hockey player. Well, and the fact that very funny comedian Daniel Tosh is in this movie doesn’t hurt, but it’s not urging me to spend $10 of my money, Mr. Myers.
For any non-hockey fans out there, I’d like to share a little something with you. It’s quite possibly the only thing in this trailer (besides Timberlake) that made me laugh. The guru’s agent tells him, “The Toronto Maple Leafs will pay you $2 million if you can get Daryl Roanoke back with his wife in time to win the Stanley Cup”. I kid you not, Dr. Pepper came out of my nose. The Toronto Maple Leafs are rivaled only by the Los Angeles Kings in the NHL for the title of “Worst Team in the League”. They’re bad. They’re so bad, I don’t even know where to start.
THE LAST TIME THE MAPLE LEAFS WON THE STANLEY CUP WAS IN 1967.
Obviously, either they’re poking fun at that, or Toronto was the only team that would let them involve their team in the movie. I suspect it was the latter.
#2: DECEPTION
I have no deep thoughts on this one except, “Mmm, Hugh Jackman. Mmmm, Ewan McGregor. Erm, can I preorder tickets yet?” In case you haven’t noticed, it doesn’t take a whole lot to draw me into a theater for some movies.
#3: SPEED RACER
I’ve only watched a few episodes of the cartoon, but man, this looks promising. Everything I’m hearing is positive and I understand the special effects are supposed to practically concuss me with awesomeness. I love that John freakin’ Goodman is in this movie. I’ll, um, probably see it in the dollar theater, but I’ll see it nonetheless. Also, is it just me or does Christina Ricci look like one of those Blythe dolls?
#4: WANTED
Highly unbelievable, stylized action flick featuring Angelina Jolie? I am there. I am seventy kinds of there. This one’s directed by the guy who directed Night Watch and Day Watch, both of which I’m very fond of, so it’s got that going for it as well. I’m not sure how I feel about Angelina’s “around the corner” gun, that’s for sure — well, ooookay, Angelina, if that’s how you roll. Also, I have no opinion on James McAvoy. He’s briefly shirtless in the trailer so I’m kind of leaning towards, “James McAvoy is kinda okay by me”. Hey, look, my standards are low.
#5: THE LOST BOYS: THE TRIBE
Whaaaat? What? Seriously, a sequel to The Lost Boys? Say it ain’t so! But..but..how can you make this movie without Kiefer? Without Jason Patric? Without Dianne Wiest? (Apparently, you can make it with Corey Feldman, but that’s because Corey Feldman checked his schedule and saw he had 80 games of shuffleboard lined up and figured shooting a movie was time better spent.)
That being said, it looks so cheese-a-riffic that now I have to see it. It’s probably just an “updated” version of The Lost Boys, but hey. I want an explanation about how Edgar Frog became a surfboard shaper and where the hell Corey Haim and Jason Patric ran off to.
I’m feeling very blah about our current new releases. I don’t think there are any of the above that I have any inclination to see.
Nayana, out of all of them, I’ll probably see Speed Racer in the dollar theater and perhaps Wanted. Lost Boys I’ll probably rent eighteen years from now, the Love Guru I’ll see on the seventh of…never. Chances are I’ll actually never see Deception, because everything I like’s already in the trailer.
I just looked at Dark Horizons’ release dates for ‘08 and yeah, it’s pretty dark looking.
Psh….a Lost Boys remake? Gimme a break. There is no way they can pull that off with a semblance of dignity.
I’ll be honest, I have not been keeping up like I should, but The Strangers looks pretty good. I’m excited for it. Also the Futurama movies…I think there’s 2 of them slated for 2008 releases.
Hey, I never stated they’d do it with dignity. :D I just want to see how bad it is. Nothing can match the greatness that was Grandpa from the first movie.
I’ve never seen Futurama. Please don’t shoot me, andrew.
Yeah, Grandpa and the Frog brothers were definitely the highlights. And I know you plan on reveling in it’s so-bad-it’s-good-ness, but sometimes I just wish they could leave well enough alone. Y’know?
“I’ve never seen Futurama. Please don’t shoot me, andrew.”
Okay. I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that.
Seriously though? Never? That’s crazy….but it makes me envious. It’s such an incredible show (to me, anyway) that I would honestly love to be able to discover it all over again. It’s that good. I’ve been living off of the season 1-4 DVDs for about 4 or 5 years now…and they never get old.
And in case I wasn’t laying it on thick enough there, I would recommend putting in your Netflix queue.
sometimes I just wish they could leave well enough alone. Y’know?
Yes. I think I’ve just resigned myself to fate and given up. I know I’ll end up watching it somehow, someway.
sometimes I just wish they could leave well enough alone. Y’know?
Will do! Is there any season in particular you recommend? (Do you have Netflix, andrew?)
Okay, can you tell I’m sleepy today?
“Okay, can you tell I’m sleepy today?”
HAHAHA, yeah me too. It’s almost time for a Dr. Pepper.
“Will do! Is there any season in particular you recommend? (Do you have Netflix, andrew?)”
I do not have Netflix! Can you believe it? I’m caught up in the very unwise and unhealthy habit of simply buying every movie that catches my fancy. I do not recommend it.
I guess with Futurama, just rent season 1 and start from there. It’s not a cartoon that absolutely has to be watched sequentially, but the 1st season needs to be seen first.
I’m curious to know what you think!
andrew, I’ll Netflix Season 1 of Futurama for sure. Listen, if you want a free month of Netflix, let me know — I’m glad to e-mail you an invite that will get you a free month of service.
If not, no problem — I just figured I’d put it out there in case you wanted it. :D
Yeah shoot it over, I’ll take a look into this new-fangled “Net-flicks” thing that all the kids seem to be talking about.
It’s on its way to you. It may be a free month or a free two weeks, I’m not sure. Either way, it gives you a taste of the awesome crack that is Netflix.
Word. Thanks!
Now…the problem if finding something I haven’t seen!
I am extremely sure you can find something you’ve never seen, andrew!
Okay, I should clarify.
I’ll have to find something GOOD that I have never seen.
I was walking through a Virgin megastore the other day and I broke out in laughter seeing the Lost Boys movie being previewed on their screens. I have to agree with you on your prediction; it looks so bad it might be watchable.
By the way, found your site through the LAMB select and I’ll be coming back!
By the way, found your site through the LAMB select and I’ll be coming back!
Hee, Matt, do you remember me? I used to run The Movie Queen before it died a sad death.
I’m so glad New York is working out for you! (And I’m glad you’re going to keep visiting, as I’m waiting for that Spoon podcast, dammit!)
Well, what ever sucks in the US gets to SA first!
I hope you get some good stuff soon though.
Oh, Nick. That is so, so sad. So you don’t get the good stuff until way later and the bad stuff now, is that how it works?
Yip.
Like, for example, I would get 10000 BC a week after it opened in the US, but then for something like No Country For Old Men, would get it 5 MONTHS after you guys and girls.
What, Nick, you don’t want to watch a finely crafted film by that auteur Roland Emmerich? What is wrong with you?
You guys should get some decent movies BEFORE the U.S., that’s what I think!
lol, no I would rather not!
That woul be great, but not fair. I wish they would open at the same time, so we could all talk about them at the same time. I do not know.
What I do know is that we get some British films before you! That is it.
Well, the Brits are getting Quantum of Solace before us, so who knows, maybe you South Africans will get it early! That’s the only “big” yet decent sounding movie I can think of that you might have access to before the U.S.
Maybe, I am excited for it as well. I don’t think we are getting much else before you guys either. I have faith and patience, so who knows!